Monday, February 21, 2011

Past Dream #2: " I Throw Rocks At Myself "

This is one of my favorite dreams I've ever had because of how ridiculous it was. I had it in 8th grade but I still remember it vividly.

The dream starts out at my house, except its not really my house. The layout is similar to the house of these kids I used to babysit . I'm with my friend Maddie and this boy from school named Brock. (Right off the bat this dream is funny because the idea of me and Brock ever hanging out is pretty far fetched. As his name might imply, he was the resident "jock" at school. He sat in front of me in english that year so we would talk occasionally, but were in no way good friends). So me, Maddie, and Brock are hanging out in my house. Maddie's acting super crazy, she's like really really hyper and its getting a little annoying. Brock on the other hand, seems really upset and I'm getting a little worried about him. While I try and calm Maddie down I notice Brock heading down stairs to the basement.

I decide I should go check on him, so I leave Maddie upstairs and head to the basement to look for Brock. In this house the stairs leading down to the basement take you into this large room that leads to two smaller rooms, one right next to the other. The first room I pass is open and I see Brock lying on a bed sleeping. However, I somehow know that this isn't really Brock, that its really just a "decoy Brock" that is supposed to stop me from finding the "real Brock". I continue to the next room and I see Brock sitting in a chair with his head in his hands.

I walk up to him and try to comfort him. I ask him what's wrong but he just shakes his head. I say to him,"Brock, you can trust me. If there's something wrong I can try and help". Finally, he lifts his head from his hands, I see he has been crying. In an anguished voice he says," Casey, I'm so afraid to tell you what's wrong, I don't want to lose you." I tell him that that is ridiculous, that I won't judge him, that I'll always be here for him. So he takes a big breath and says..."Casey, I throw rocks at myself!"

*I have to interrupt myself here to give a little context as to where this strange confession may have come from. At this time, I had several friends who were dealing with depression and self-inflicted injury (cutting, etc.). So this kind of thing was often on my mind. I felt really overwhelmed by what was happening to my friends. While this was not funny in anyway, the way it entered into this dream, I think, is hilarious. Okay, back to the dream:

Upon hearing Brock's shocking confession I begin to cry. I say, "Brock! You are so much better than that! You are such a great guy and don't even know it!" (Whats funny here is that Brock, in real life, wasn't a very good guy, but believed he was the most awesome person in the world).

At this point the dream shifts and Brock and I are walking hand-in-hand in what looks like an old train station, sort of like Kings Cross (Harry Potter nerd), but its really an airport. Apparently I am traveling somewhere. Brock walks me into the plane. The seats are all shabby, miss-matched lazy-boys. I sit down in one but Brock says, pointing to a rust brown chair, "Don't you want one that reclines?". So I change seats, Brock kisses me goodbye, and I wake up.

Upon waking from this dream I remember being both extremely confused and extremely amused.

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